Tuesday, April 1, 2014

The things I want

Today was another rough day.  That feeling like I wanted to throw a tantrum?  Apparently I decided not to fight that instinct today.  I felt tired - no, not tired - I felt WEARY.  With every bone in my body, I felt weary of my depression and my ruminations and thoughts and feelings.

In the spirit of venting my tantrum here so I can get it out and not have it happen again (she says hopefully), here are some of the things I want and don't want, in no particular order...

I don't want to have to fight my depression for the rest of my life.
I don't want to worry about meds.
I want to laugh and feel light and free.
I don't want to have to think about how my depression affects my kids.
I want to find friends who are healthy and reasonable and with whom I can share my depression.
I don't want to wake up every day wondering if it's going to be a good day or a bad day.
I want to have parents who love me unconditionally.
I want to get to a point in therapy where I've uncovered the roots of all of my issues and there's nothing more to discuss (ha!!).
I don't want to have to ask my husband for help with things that I should be perfectly capable of handling on my own.
I want to write a blog that people read because of my sense of humor, and not because of my depression.
I don't want to feel anxious with the other moms hanging around the playground.
I want to accept who I am, flaws and all.

I want to feel peace.

What do you want?

1 comment:

  1. I'd like to go a whole day without anyone in the house losing their temper! As a first step I'm working on my 6 year old leaving my 7 year old alone when he goes to the bathroom (despite a choice of facilities she keeps opening the door on him and/or walking in etc and then he gets really upset/frustrated/angry). If we get that cracked I'm moving on to improving family listening skills.